Buffet intelligence

What’s the most perilous thing to eat at a breakfast buffet? (Assuming we live in a covid-free world where buffets are a thing.)

Once I walked across the border to Mexico for the sole purpose of eating at a renowned hotel buffet. I ate a large volume of cantaloupe, among other foods. Then I walked back across the border and drove home. 36 hours later I violently expelled a ton of content from multiple directions. It’s hard to know for certain, but I suspect it was the cantaloupe.

The moral of this story is: avoid cut fruit at buffets, especially melon, especially if has been sitting out for a while or is not kept on ice and visibly replaced often. Once fruit is cut, it opens up its own mini-buffet of bacterial growth. Whole fruits are fine—especially fruits that require peeling, like oranges and bananas— but I’m not sure what kind of psychopath angles toward whole fruit at a buffet.

As a general rule I’m tempted to say: “Eat anything that you see with your own eyes coming fresh out of the kitchen,” but this, alas, could lure you into a false sense of safety. I’ve worked in kitchens. It is not unheard of for stale buffet items to be whisked away and “refreshed”, aka re-plated. Putting an unsafe piece of food on a new plate does not transform it into a safe food.

Lastly: anything fried is a safe bet, since high heat kills bacteria. This is the one instance in which piling your plate with crispy oil-drenched brown morsels is arguably a healthy and prudent choice. Make the most of it.

Pick your poison

+++